FOUR EPIGRAMS

by Richard O'Connell

Quick Canonization

Instant sainthood's the chic ideal  

Broadcast from Rome of late;

I prefer the conventional spiel

When they sat a Devil's Advocate.*

*The office of Advocatus Diaboli was abolished by 

Pope John Paul II.

Retromartyr

Bruno never did repent

But died in flames for heresy.

The Church retracts an ancient wrong  

And promulgates apology.

Less Said

The Laceademonians,* famous for few words,

Demonstrated their gruff, laconic gift  

When Philip of Macedonia threatened them: 

"If I enter Laconia, I'll burn it to the ground."

To which the Lacedaemonians responded: "If."

* Spartans

Poltically Correct

Nerva never publishes or recites.

For fear of Nero, Nerva never writes.

              Martial, VIII,70

Richard O'Connell lives in Hillsboro Beach, Florida. Collections of his poetry include RetroWorlds, Simulations, Voyages, and The Bright Tower, all published by the University of Salzburg Press (now Poetry Salzburg). His poems have appeared in The New Yorker, Measure, Trinacria The Atlantic Monthly, National Review, Margie, The Texas Review, Acumen, The Formalist, Light.

THE POPE PICKERS

by David Feela

“Vatican Smoke” by Mike Luckovich, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, via The Cagle Post.

“What color was the smoke this time?”
“I couldn’t see, but it smelled like bacon.”
“How long will they be in there?”
“It’s impossible to say.”
“What do they do between ballots?”
“Stare at the ceiling.”
“The one Michelangelo painted?”
“That’s the one.”
“Are there enough toilets?”
“Only because they’re all men.”
“Why is that?”
“Because God is a man.”
“I don’t think anyone knows that for sure.”
“The Cardinals do.”
“And who told them?”
“The Pope.”
“The Pope is just an elevated Cardinal, isn’t he?”
“We must not question the wisdom of nepotism.”
“I think they call it Catholicism.”
“Same thing.”
“When they finally decide, how will we know?”
“White smoke will rise from the chimney.”
“What if we can't see it.”
“It will smell like the toilet needs cleaning.”


David Feela writes a monthly column for The Four Corners Free Press and for The Durango Telegraph. A poetry chapbook, Thought Experiments, won the Southwest Poet Series. His first full length poetry book, The Home Atlas appeared in 2009. His new book of essays, How Delicate These Arches  , released through Raven's Eye Press, has been chosen as a finalist for the Colorado Book Award.